Verbal Abuse in Marriage – 7 Realities about Verbal Emotional Abuse


by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

I hear people say, My partner is controlling and he puts me down. Then they add,  It is abusive, but it’s only verbal.

The question I have is, how do you feel about that? How does it make you feel when spoken to as he/she does? And how do feel about yourself in relation to your partner?

The impact and the import of the verbal abuse and controlling behavior, while being personal, will invariably be destructive.

Here are some hard-core facts that you will want to know about verbal abuse. So when you catch yourself saying, …it’s only verbal, consider this…

1) Verbal abuse is a disregard for self and other.

2) Verbal abuse leaves memory magnets of continued self and other loathing.

3) Verbal emotional abuse undermines the potential for mutual respect and trust.

4) Verbal and emotional abuse go in one direction–they escalate over time when the expected outcome of being abusive is not accomplished.

5) The content of the verbal abuse is not about you; rather it is more about the abuser.

6) Verbal and emotional abuse doesn’t stop on its own without appropriate intervention.

7) The tendency toward verbal abuse can pass from one generation to the next.

If you are in a relationship in which your partner belittles you, undermines you, manipulates you, puts you down, calls you names, smoothers your will, then take a hard and honest look at your relationship. Seek to understand the dynamics of emotional verbal abuse and how you can interrupt this vicious cycle.

The sooner you do, the happier you’ ll be. For more information about emotional and verbal abuse in marriage, visit
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from emotional verbal abuse.

© Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

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