Narcissistic Behavior Symptoms ~ No Rules, No Responsibility and No Remorse

Dr. Jeanne King, PhD. 01/15/2022

Narcissism…No rules, no responsibility, no remorse. Sound like someone you know or once knew?

The concept of narcissistic abuse has been popularized over the last several years. And many people are waking up…as they embrace what this psychological term actually means. Many of these people are connecting the dots, clarifying the confusion that they live in their narcissistically abusive relationship.

When there are no rules, or shall we say when the rules that apply to others have no relevance to your partner, life is unpredictable and can be dangerous. For example, take a look at Norton and Jill.

Both Jill and Norton grew up in an upper middle class family socialized with similar norms, except for some reason they don’t apply to Norton.

His Toilet Is Wherever…

There is a common understanding in society wherein people are trained/socialized to utilize toilets to eliminate personal human waste. Yet, there are some of us who believe they have the right to relieve themselves without the toilet. Norton is one of these people.

Here is how this plays out. Jill has an appointment for a manicure and Norton seeks to accompany her, by dropping her off and picking her up. Sounds pretty ordinary, right?

However, after this manicure she is met with Norton, who happens to need to relieve his bladder. While it is true that the salon has a coffee shop (with a public men’s room) right next door, Norton prefers the outdoor concrete over the indoor toilet.

So naturally, once Jill steps into the car, he drives across the street to a neighboring parking lot in which he parks…steps out of the car, pulls out his penis, stands facing the vehicle and relieves himself with no care in the world.

Now this is a blatant example of “no rules.” Sometimes the obvious shows more than the eye can see. It certainly did for Jill.

Not Mine: No Accountability

Most people will tell you that you cannot own what is not yours. And this is true for the narcissist, as well. He/she is not responsible for that which does not apply to them. I trust you see where this is going.

You can’t own what doesn’t apply to you, because it is not yours. These people truly leave every morsel of responsibility on the table, because that is simply where it belongs, anywhere except with them.

These people can rape you (literally and/or figuratively), knowing they have taken something not given, and claim no accountability for their actions, whatsoever, thereafter. They are not accountable because the rules truly do not apply to them. Or, it might be that they have their own rules.

The net result: no accountability, no responsibility, no change.

Remorse Is for the Guilty

For the narcissist, there truly is no remorse because they have done nothing wrong, so what’s to feel bad for?

I have seen cases in which the lack of remorse is so chilling that you feel like you are in The Silence of the Lambs. The eeriness of the remorse void in its living color is utterly stunning.

Take a look at it with Norton and Jill. Norton coerces Jill (in a relentless gorilla-like fashion) to engage in an activity to benefit him all while she is significantly injured. And he does this without any concern for the consequences to her.

His grossly abusive, manipulative and exploitive maneuvers to accomplish this are so blatantly apparent that his blindness in its context could make one with a conscience vomit. While looking at her in a knee-high orthopedic brace weeks following their coerced journey, Norton expresses his “remorseful sentiments” coldly saying: “You didn’t need to go after all.”

These people have the capacity to inflict obvious (and often intentional) injury and truly not care. Moreover, they take insult to your expectation for their accountability. They are the ones who smile inside when they recognize their destructive/disempowering impact on you. Why should one except remorse, to the contrary. These folks are delighted by their success in your demise…as it replenishes them, empowers them and it asserts their assumed, unreasonable rights.

All this bringing you back to no rules, no responsibility and no remorse. If you recognize these characteristics in your partner and these dynamics in your relationship, seek to fully understand narcissistic behavior symptoms.

For more professional insights about the psychology of narcissistic domestic abuse dynamics and healing, visit These writings have helped thousands of people worldwide find clarity, wholeness, and well-being in their journey to heal the trauma of intimate partner abuse.

© Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

4 responses to “Narcissistic Behavior Symptoms ~ No Rules, No Responsibility and No Remorse”

  1. Vickie says:

    My husband for over 40 yrs has been the same for me as this woman you write about in the Jill and Norton scenerios. He has always put on a guise ofbeing humorous and charismatic outside the home but of a maniplulative, demeaning, non-communicative, demanding individual who has always stated he has no reposibility to me other than to do WHAT he wants, WHEN he wants, WHERE he wants , WHY he wants, and WHITH whom he wants to do WITHOUT any questioning or comment from me. His actions or lack thereof has caused much pain and turmoil in any sense of a limited relationship we may have after these 46 years of marriage. ( I have aftened questioned if this is an accurated term ) After both attending together 3 sessions of marrital counseling. The counselor asked to counsel with us on an indiviual basis and my husband replied to the counselof that ” he had nothing to do with any problems in the marriage but that all problems were my fault, and he didn’t need to have nor participate in counseling and would never return for any. This is from a man that portrays that he is a pious, supposidly GOD fearing man. He would berate me so horribly before leaving for church services any while driving to the services that I got to the point, for gaurding my sense of my self worth, where I could NOT attend the same church as does he. I did go to the church head and tried to explain this situation to this person. My husband spends most time when I am home after a full days work as a nurse, complaining about how stupid and dumb everyone is ( inclusive of me ), about how wonderful a man he has been, and sitting in front of the T.V. night after night, day after day. ( he is on S.S. retirement) all children are out of the home, thank goodness. He does not like people to come to the home and has made this perfectly clear to the children and complains when people to show-up unexpectedly. I am a people person, stil enjoy working, and am more a doer. He insisits on godeing me for not doing the very activities that he never did when he could have as he has not been employed for 20 years. But he gets a kick from constantly telling me how imperfect I am, and stupid and dump. And, being human, I fully know this is to a point true but without me supporing this family since we were wed, financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually and in everyway I possibly could, this family would not have made it. I could elaborate, but will not. This man, has been killing my spirit for years and impacting my emotions for years. I had been encouraged to read 2 books on Narrcicistic people and relationships by the marital counselor which helped me to reognize many of the traits I have been trying ( without any success ) to sensibly relate to. I just need ongoing support as I see the Dr. Jeckle and Mr, Hyde all the time where most just witness the one. Any assistance will be of value I’m sure. Vickie

    • Dr. Jeanne King PhD says:

      Vickie, I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are a strong resourceful women. You clearly know these dynamics as they are the wallpaper in your home. Feel free to contact me for individual support as you are asking. I can help you with this… You can click on the Support link in this website to reach me directly. Dr. King

  2. Eliza P Ricks says:

    Vickie’s life was my life for less than a year back in the 1970s. At first, I thought I could take the verbal abuse without damage! NOT TRUE! I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed and go to work one day. The next day, I talked to my supervisor and, to my surprise, he understood because he was married to an alcoholic wife. I started looking for a safe way out of the marriage. A mental health worker assured me that “my head was on right” and then I was blessed to find a good lawyer. BTW, I totally understand why women hesitate to break away. I was an officer in the AF, had the only income, no children, and it was difficult to make the change. In addition to all the other reasons people hesitate to leave, I heard constant death threats from him if I ever divorced him. I reached the conclusion that I’d rather be dead than to live like that. He kept the money spent, so I used the house payment money to retain a lawyer. My advise to spouses who feel trapped in this type of marriage is to keep looking for a safe escape.

  3. Miss Misty says:

    I have been married for 13 years now to a man that stands by my side in good and bad times. The question here is, does he do this FOR me? I honestly feel like he does this to have leverage. To know everything there is to know. To better be able to control me or whatever he is trying to control. Now, I only say this because I have had experiences that have made me FEEL THIS way. For instance, from the time we said our “I dos” he has had hatred toward my now adult children. A Jealousy so great that he’d move us to a different city 430 miles away from them just 2 weeks before my daughter gave birth to my grandson who is now 8yo ). It was here that we would live for the next 6 years and here that I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. After 4 years of getting rid of my cancer with chemotherapy treatments and 6 surgeries i had gained friendships and family was growing accustomed to visiting. My son even moved in……for a short while. It wasn’t long after that our home was placed on the market for sale and my son forced to move back to his dad’s 450 miles away. Our home that WE were compensated with for taking care of his father for years had become ‘his inheritance”. After all nothing is mine and he pays for everything had become his daily mantra to remind me of where I stand in the marriage. Where did I stand? Well. I didn’t. I was not allowed to work. This was apparent when I had gotten hired a 2 different places during my cancer treatment and on the day of start, my keys would go missing (hmm?) and I’d not be allowed to use his and too weak to argue for them. He’d beg me to help him take care of his dad saying this is my job now which will pay more than any job I could ever find otherwise. Again, too ill and weak to argue. It never mattered to him how I was feeling when I was being treated. He wanted sex. Always. It got to a point that the argument was easier than having sex. Nothing changed after his father died. Except our location. I had beat cancer……thanks to the constant presence of at least one of my family members throughout the treatment processes. Somehow I was able to keep the arguments and demands from my husband away from them as I wanted them to be comfortable and save myself from the embarrassment of them learning how childish my marriage truely is. Fast forward to today….now in a different state 2600 miles from my kids and grandson (my heart). How’d he get me here? Well my family is here too. Grandma. Mom. Sister. We came to help mom take care of her mom. I thought…..of course. Mom needs my help. In that time he bought a house an hour away from them. Not far but too far to travel daily with my responsibilities at home (pets and everything else that’s required of me). And he’s at the tail end of his cash inheritance, that I spent all of (of course).
    I’m still so weak 7 yrs after cancer treatments with no income and an inability to work. My current physical state expected to last the duration of my life, too far from family for daily or weekly visits. Forced to fight with him about the past. Or how I spent all his money. Or how I won’t have sex with him. I’ve been trying to leave him since I was forced into moving away from my kids. I haven’t loved him since. I’ve not been free since. There is addiction as a major factor as well. He refuses to quit yet promised me he’d go to a treatment facility and later admitting to saying that because he’d lose me if he hadnt. (Admitting to wasting more of my years with the false hope he so graciously provides). I am so aware of everything he does….his games, his ways.. it’s sick. It’s deflecting. And it quite literally is killing me. Anyone who knows about narcissism may well know that the story I shared here is only a tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to it. The crazy making. The belittling. The “your crazy, your sick, you have dementia b.s.” I’m constantly drilled with. The uncomfortableness in my home so that family and friends can’t or won’t visit. The power and control he has financially and physically (150 lbs) over me. To having no respect toward boundaries. Taking things from my purse and hiding them so I’m proven forgetful or he’s proven the savior because he found them for me. It’s sick and twisted. It’s also imprisoning. Completely. ME – Survivor – I won’t stop til I pull through. (My mantra)

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