By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Have you ever wondered why adult children of parental alienation act blindly in a war they have no standing, nor say, in? It’s as though they are puppets on someone else’s mission that they eventually internalize as their own.
These people fight battles and carry out the combat of a war mission all while having no real authority. They are servants to their “tyrant-in-chief.” Sometimes they may have glimpses of the wrongdoing of their actions, but they know yielding to that awareness will cause them greater grief. So, they ignore it because at the end of the day, they have no authority. They are foot soldiers.
These are the adult children of parental alienation. Many have gone years without any direct or meaningful contact with their war target, AKA their estranged parent. Some of these children have disowned the alienated non-family member, and also have been disowned yet they may not know it, much less care.
Foot Soldier Reality
When estranged parents of foot soldiers truly grasp the foot solider concept, their lives change. Instead of internalizing their experience of these people as having anything to do with themselves or the relationship they once had, they recognize that these people are shells of those they once knew. They are realistic in their expectations relative to the behavior of the foot solider.
Now from the foot soldier’s perspective, all blame for the existing predicament lies with the behavior of the alienated parent and has nothing to do with the person pulling their strings. These strings remain aspects the foot solider is blind to and in denial of… They are strings that have become the cords unconsciously molding their own experience.
Just as foot soldiers fight wars hating the enemy of whom they know nothing about, these people aid in the continuation of the alienating parent’s war. And in the same way as foot soldiers, they are rewarded and punished according to the extent to which they follow the demands of their commanding officer. They will even go so far as to hinder their own welfare to carry out these missions.
Take Darold and Mildred for example. These two young people were raised by their natural mother through their entire childhood. When they were old enough to reach out as young adults, they attempted to re-establish a connection with their estranged parent. However, over the years, time and time again, they found themselves in the middle of a conflict involving law-fare against this parent.
Upon examination, it is distinctly evident that these repeated conflicts arouse out of the funding and collaboration of the alienating parent. Sadly, these foot soldiers either became blind to morality or merely remained accustomed to reflexively yielding to the suggestions and/or demands of those pulling their strings.
Long-standing Parental Alienation
From the estranged parent’s perspective, these foot soldiers remain endlessly dangerous as they are wired to implicate them in harm and hold a negative perspective toward them. The estranged parent eventually awakens to the fact that they are healthier and happier without the desire for a connection. And the foot solider realizes they are better off without the burden of being involved in the family hardship. This is the long-standing outcome of parental alienation.
If you recognize this pattern in your life, take a hard and honest look at the dynamics of parental alienation. The sooner you do, the healthier, happier and more at peace you become. For more insights on parental alienation and family abuse, visit https://innersanctuaryonline.org
© Dr Jeanne King Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention