By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Have you ever noticed how some people hold reverence for their own personal boundaries and expect you to do the same, yet refuse to honor your boundaries?
Instead of honoring your requests marking your limits and conversational boundaries, you are attacked, demeaned, and accused of causing injury toward them. There is an entitlement toward self and an expected worshiping they expect from you to them.
Your Boundaries Matter Not
Take Lindsay and Buck for example. They speak rarely but far too often their interactions degrade into a dispute over her efforts to assert a boundary and his melt down over this very act.
They were chatting about this and that, and Lindsay asked about the physical discomfort he had complained about weeks prior. She echoed an earlier recommendation for using a standing desk to alleviate long-term sitting issues. Abruptly, he demanded that the “desk” issue was not a topic he wished to speak about. Without hesitation whatsoever, Lindsay dropped the inquiry and they moved on to another topic. It was natural and effortless, like a dance.
Their back and forth moved to his asking about her work and she shared her day in detail. But then came a question pertaining to it that she had withheld sharing with him. Politely, she tried to redirect the conversation elsewhere stating her unwillingness to yield to his inquiry. Funny thing though, this did not result in a shift in the focus.
Rather it launched a major falling out that became the beginning of the end of their contact. Buck lashed into her refusal to answer his questions with absolutely no willingness whatsoever to hear and respect that this woman did not wish to share something sacred to her.
Suddenly, she is showered with a rant of how awful a person she is for not answering his question, and how this very act represents an injury toward him. I trust you can see where this is going. Their exchange on the phone ended with her setting the phone down ending the call.
As is often the case these days, that interaction and the energy underlying it merely moved to text. He leads with a toxic onslaught of disregard, threats, declarations of personal injury, on and on. Lindsay resisted engaging leaving short replies until she had no interest or will to interact any further.
The next day Buck sends a text of apology. While it was a general apology not actually identifying the behavior he was acknowledging, it softened the exchange moving forward. And it taught a very important lesson.
Buck has boundaries that must be honored by Lindsay, and Lindsay’s boundaries matter not to Buck.
If you recognize this simple yet profound dynamic, take a hard and fast look at coercive control behavior patterns before they spiral out of control.
For more information on coercive control and domestic abuse dynamics, explore our library of resources https://innersanctuaryonline.org
© 2026 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. Mind Matters Media LLC
Clinical Psychologist | Trauma, Coercive Control, and Family Systems Dynamics
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end, and heal from domestic abuse.