Where do you turn when your children have been turned against you? Do you turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling or some other habit or perversion? Or, do you turn to therapy, meditation, God, your favorite hobby, or a new family? Or, do you simply wonder where to turn?
What’s a person to do when they have poured their very essence into the creation and development of offspring that is prohibited from authentically loving them freely without ridicule and punishment?
There are hundreds of thousands of these alienated parents across the globe. A keyword search shows 14,625 searches for the term “parental alienation” per month.
Where Do Alienated Parents Turn?
Most of these people hide out in private Facebook groups bashing the injustice and end up further igniting what ails them. Many do absolutely nothing because the weirdness of it all is beyond them.
What do you do? We (Partners in Prevention) have been helping both men and women of all walks of life drowning in the complexities of this predicament. If you want help that moves you forward rather than keeps you stuck, this article insight is for you.
Some Important Preliminary Suggestions
The first thing I recommend that you reflect on is the way in which you may be judging yourself through the eyes of the person (or people) tainted against you. It is natural to see yourself from the perspective of the one who has been groomed not to trust or respect you.
And then you try even harder to “be liked” or to “be well-received” only to discover that, through these efforts, you have groomed yourself into profound self-loathing.
Why? because over time, you come to see yourself as they are conditioned to perceive you…and the racket you are in becomes larger than you.
Let their perspective be theirs, and recognize that you are not the broken party. The ones with the internalized false story of who and what you are suffer damages beyond your comprehension.
Second, stop shaming yourself by judging your situation from the eyes of those without any relevant experience in these matters. The shame only augments the original source of judgment.
If you suspend judgment in these two areas, you will step onto a path of recovery from parental alienation. And from here, you can open the door to regaining your life again.
For more information about healing from parental alienation and domestic abuse, visit https://innersanctuaryonline.org for written and video insights, and https://preventabusiverelationships.com for individualized personal help.
© Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention
As always, a light in the darkness. Been with you since the abuse and divorce over 13 years ago. Now I am homeless due to factors outside of my control, and yet my daughter understands too that it is not my fault, due to patient explanation and her own sight of what I’ve been doing to fight it. THAT is due to my NEVER GIVE UP TRYING approach.
I worry that the even more decreased contact time will negatively impact the relationship, but can only hope the firm foundation set before will weather this storm too. The VA is helping me seek a new roof so I can proceed with a new position, and heopefully contribute back to the VA community in the process. If you ever need a local voice here in the SLC, UT Metro area, reach back to me. Would love to assist.
Tim, I remember you. I will hold you in my prayers. Blessings, Dr. King
What to do when daughter stonewalls you, and makes it impossible to see the grandaughter you grew very close to, and love.
That’s a hard one. So many factors. Just always know, they are the one’s missing the benefit of you! Dr. King
Thank you for this Dr. King, I’ve been blocked by my only child, now 34 years old, over 3 years ago, I never saw it coming. It’s been beyond devastating. We two are the only family we have in this country and finding peace around this trauma continues to be a struggle for me 💔
Heidi, My hope for you and your child is that one day your child realizes it is their loss and in the meantime, you find the well-being you deserve beyond the trauma of their rejection. You deserve to be happy, healthy and whole! Dr. King
This is beyond belief. My daughter left my life with intense hatred, even imagining that things happened that could never have. I fear as an adult, she will never come back to me. What do I do?
It is very common that estranged children make decisions about their relationship with the alienated parent based on false beliefs. Please follow us on Instagram @drjeannekingphd as I post healing insights for alienated parents. Be patient and invest in your personal health. Blessings, Dr. King