Narcissism is a term that has become mainstream in psychological and social circles today. It’s a term that grows out of psychology to refer to an individual with narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality disorder.
Would you know if you were entangled in the dynamics of narcissistic abuse? Here are the seven tell-tale signs of narcissistic abusers. Understand these signs in combination, and you will know narcissistic intimate partner abuse.
1) No Empathy
These people truly don’t have the capacity for empathy. They do not have the ability to authentically embrace the experiential world of another person unless for selfish gain. In other words, these people can put on a good “caring” show in their effort to manipulate others for their own personal benefit. But they won’t and can’t stand in the shoes of another, genuinely.
2) No Remorse
These people don’t feel bad about any wrongdoing of theirs. Why? There is no conscience, no compassion, no concern about the impact of their behavior on others, even those they love. From the narcissistic abuser’s point of view, the other person deserves what they got because the narcissistic abuser is…
These people hold rights—in their perverted thinking—that others would never assume. They live in a world in which they have privilege to that which is beyond your imagination. Whether they are objectifying you, raping you or ruling your life, they truly believe that they deserve what they seek, when and where they seek it because it is already theirs—before the ask.
They will tell you whatever they believe you need to know in order to get what they are attempting to extract from you. To these people, a lie is not a lie; it’s a mechanism to leverage outcome. A misrepresentation of information is the twisting of facts designed to convert another into compliance with respect to that which they pursue.
5) Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
These people will project a persona that is 180 degrees from who and what they really are. Whether priest, doctor, attorney, accountant or philanthropist, they are not as they wish to have you believe. For example, they can be someone allegedly protecting an elderly woman from financial exploitation; all while emotionally exploiting her, by using her as a flying monkey/agent in a mission to influence the behavior of her daughter.
6) Emotionally Dependent
These people require the emotional support and admiration of their narcissistic supply as oxygen to sustain them. They truly cannot function naturally and normally without the object of their narcissistic abuse serving as the foundation for their existence.
7) Uses Battering for Control
And when their narcissistic supply is in question, battering becomes the way to level the playing field. It is their means to shift the power and control within the relationship. It’s their way to tip the scale, so they gain the advantage they need to feel on top again.
This battering may present as verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse or physical abuse. It’s the striking/maneuvering intended to diminish and dis-empower so as to nourish the deficiency in oneself.
If these signs are familiar to you, don’t sweep them under the carpet because the elephant they become can trip you up…big time…when you ignore them. For information on understanding and interrupting narcissistic abuse dynamics, visit http://www.enddomesticabuse.org/narcissistic_abuse.php. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.
For personal help in your own relationship, visit https://innersanctuaryonline.org/spousal-abuse-help/
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© Dr Jeanne King — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention