As I was ushering in the new year, a dear friend asked me what were my goals for the upcoming year. In years past, I would have thrown loads of visions and plans at that question.
This year, however, the only truly authentic thing that came to me was: be happy, healthy and whole. It’s my birthday and I’m honoring it in a home spa this weekend. That’s code for extended silence in my world.
As I was coming out of an extremely deep restorative meditation today, it occurred to me how lovely it is that I am able to allow this well-being to spill over into my activity. There’s an ambient glow in activity that just happens when you meditate regularly. The first few minutes of it can be delicate.
That carryover into activity is where the integration occurs. It’s an essential part of the meditation practice. Without it, the stress release that happens in the meditation is truncated and can sit with you like an unwanted load on your back.
Where Happy Is Silenced and Shamed
As I was raising children, I’d take this glow and share it with them in playful glee…from singing to dancing to whatever was before us. Except when their father was around, the well-being in the air was shattered with horrific verbal emotional psychological abuse.
I was told how selfish I was to have taken this time to myself. And then there was the ole crazy weirdo verbal bashing. He convinced himself and anyone in an earshot that I was a true “nut” for bathing in the bliss of silence within.
You can’t imagine what this did to me. I liken it to a warm cozy nourishing oil message topped off with an abrasive cold arsenic substance head-to-toe. Now mind you, this was the routine. It was a nightmare living like that. At the time, that’s what I thought was the easy part of the narcissistic domestic abuse we lived.
The physical abuse and bodily injury to myself and to our son was the more difficult part of that life style. Now that I see it all from this vantage point, I’m keenly aware of how damaging the mediation bashing was to me.
Happy, Healthy and Whole
I’m ever so aware of how blessed I am that I can enjoy health, happiness and wholeness—wholeheartedly. Since leaving that tyrannical relationship abuse and letting go of its remnants, I am mindful of the blessings my life affords. So in answer to the question, what are your goals: mine are to remain happy, healthy and whole. May these goals be yours to enjoy, as well.
Now back to meditation carryover, the key take away is: don’t truncate your experience with negativity. Instead, do something soothing (or neutral) for the first 5 to 10 minutes after surfacing from meditation. The way you come out of the meditation determines what you get out of the mediation.
For more information on healing from intimate partner abuse, visit https://innersanctuaryonline.org/spousal-abuse-help Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.
© Dr Jeanne King Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention